My home town is a tiny little German community quite literally in the middle of nowhere. The grocery store doesn't take credit cards; you can charge on family name alone. The little café has two kinds of salad, potato and macaroni. The sign coming into town says "Willkomen" and it is as big an insult to be called a hunyuck
as it is a redneck
I tell you this to give you an introduction to the general mindset of the community. I had the misfortune of sitting next to a couple of these above mentioned hunyucks during my hometown Independence Day celebration. Now, because these men had the "right name" (small towners will know what this means), there were no consequences to the actions I am about to describe.
After the annual fried chicken dinner is over, there's not really much to do at the fairgrounds beside listen to the polka band and the "talent" show until it gets dark. These inebriated men, sitting about five feet away from me, decided to take it upon themselves to give a little pre-show. From time to time, they would take a stick of dynamite, light it, and throw it off away from the crowd where it would explode like a mortar causing furrowed brows and evil eyes from women hovering protectively over their children. Most shocking to me is the lack of response from the crowd patrolling police! C'mon people, this is a public park and there are children here. You can't have kids with bottle black jacks (those are dangerous), but let's let the men play with dynamite! I digress...
I cannot help but overhear them talking. As I mentioned, they were drunk so they had no control over the volume of their voice. They are telling some friends about there escapades from the night before. They had gotten their hands on some
Regardless, the story they recounted is such: We been throwin' em at folks all night. The red smoke id clear and we'd throw a green one. Folks'd cheer and we'd do it all over 'gain. Well, we got t'hold of this funny lookin' one that didn't say if it were red er green. We decided "what t'hell" pulled the pin and tossed it out t'where we threw the others. (He paused to give a long drawn out belly rumbling belch while I held my breath thinking that if he'd thrown a live grenade, surely it would have been on the news.) Well…It didn't go off like we s'pected… (Another drunken burp)…All of a sudden this yellow smoke started pouring out over the crowd. People was coughing, people was getting sick all over each other, and then comes this kid on a four wheeler, drove right through the middle of it and wrecked, fallin' out the seat…(by this point the man was near tears he was laughing so hard)…It was teargas in at grenade! We teargassed 'em! (At this, his drunken friend joined in the uproarious laughter)
Most horrifying of this entire experience was these men had already reproduced! Their wives were standing, listening, and shaking their heads. The one cradling a baby rolls her eyes; the message seems to convey "Boys will be boys." I couldn't believe it! Honestly, a man drops his iPod in the toilet of an airplane and is detained by homeland security for hours but a couple of good ol' boys teargas a crowd of innocent spectators and no questions are asked??? I really hope this was all just a tall tale he was telling his buddy!
So what's the moral of this story? If you find your self taking a wrong turn off I-80 and start to hear dueling banjos or the oompah of polka music turn yourself around, get back on the interstate and keep driving. Darwinism has failed.
1 comments:
Love it. Just love it. I've always had some questions about Darwinism. Those two bring up more questions than answers.
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