Ravin's Ramblings

From the moment my son got up this morning I suspected it was going to be one of “those” days. It started with hysterics before I was even up for the day. He was in his crib and something just wasn’t right. A blanket in the wrong spot? A hair in his eye? His fifth chakra out of alignment? Your guess is as good as mine. Whatever it was, he was inconsolable.

Then it progressed to his straws. I gave him a hand full of straws yesterday to play with. Straws are interesting, right? We he thought those were the best toys EVER! Unfortunately, Kitty thought the same thing. Every time my obsessive compulsive son tried to arrange them just perfectly, that naughty tee-tat would walk over and swipe them helter-skelter all over the floor, chasing after them like a deranged berserker who is sharp and pointy on 5 of his six sides.

I listened to my son try to reason with Kitty, “Tee tat saw (straw)? Tee tat saw?” then tell Kitty to go away “Up two! Up two! Up two!” in the military style of parenting we employ to get him to march away from the mischief. When Kitty didn’t go away he started to get frustrated, “No, no no!” and when that didn’t work, “One, two, tee!” Yes, my son tried to put the cat in time out. And when that still didn’t work, he presented himself to me in uncontrollable sobs over the injustice of it all.

Then there was the button incident. Who can resist light up buttons. Especially when they make the TV go off and on? After two ear-splitting time outs, I warned him that the next time he plays with the cable box, it was going to be a spanking. Well, after a few minutes of innocent play he wandered over to the cable box and just stood there, looking at me, to see what I would do.

“Zander,” I told him, “We’ve had this discussion already.” And he slowly reached out his hand and just rested it next to the cable box, but not actually touching it and RAISED HIS EYEBROWS AT ME! That’s right, he gave me “the look”. I know it was the look because it’s the same look I give him when he’s about to get into trouble! He was issuing me a challenge!

First, all those interactions with the cat. Then, the raised eyebrows? My child has not only learned my discipline techniques, he’s ADPOTED them! There was something so chilling in that moment it’s hard to put into words. My precious little snowflake is deliberately trying to manipulate the world around him using psychological warfare. He’s like Stewie from The Family Guy! When did this happen? What kind of battles are headed my way? But mostly, do I look as scary when I’m giving him “the look”?